So what is the no contact rule and why is it so effective?The no contact rule is a tactic which you can use to bring balance back into your relationship.
The no contact rule is used when you realize that a girl (or your girlfriend or your wife) is pulling away from you and losing attraction for you. Instead of chasing the girl and trying to convince her to stay in a relationship with you, you pull away and go no contact on her to stimulate attraction.
The reason why the no contact rule is so effective is because of the role of uncertainty. A man must come across as a mystery and a challenge to women, otherwise he becomes uninteresting and unattractive.
Why No Contact Is So Effective:
- You’ve made mistakes
- Your partner pulls away from you
- You need to rebuild attraction
- You go no contact
- Your partner gets the space they need
- Your partner starts to miss you
- Your partner starts to get anxious
- Your partner starts to think about you
- Your partner reaches out to you
- You become a more attractive commodity
- The balance of power has been restored in the relationship
- Your partner wants to see you again
By not contacting your girlfriend, you instill a sense of anxiety in her that brings her focus back onto you.
Research has found that uncertainty is a powerful state of play. Here’s some topical proof. A group of college girls were given information about men who had browsed their online profiles. They were told that the men:
(a) Liked them a lot.
(b) Liked them only an average amount.
(c) Liked them either a lot OR an average amount (uncertain condition).
The results found that the college girls overwhelmingly preferred Group C, where the men displayed a sense of uncertainty. You would expect Group A to be the most popular group, but such a lack of tension does nothing to build attraction. It is almost men-on-a-plate. The uncertain participants reported thinking about the men in Group C the most, and this increased their attraction towards these men.
Case Study: The Right Time To Go No Contact
Chip and Beth had been dating for two months. It had begun as real passionate relationship, almost too good to be true. Chip was on cloud nine. The problem was that he sat on cloud nine all alone. Beth was not there with him. From the lofty position of his soft feelings, he kept messaging Beth to see where she was and what she was doing.
Beth was feeling more and more pressured by Chip and his relentless “nice guy” messaging. It wasn’t that she didn’t like him, but he was coming on way too strong and was way too focused on the relationship for her liking.
For his part, Chip never let up. He was so overly sure of himself and convinced that Beth would fall in love with him that hecontinued to send her long messages expressing his love and devotion. Between social media and his phone, Chip deployed his cupid arrows from all angles.
Contact, contact, contact and more contact. How annoying is that? It is pushy and very much one-sided. Your girlfriend isn’t unaware of your messages. Badgering will never help. She obviously needs time. Needless to say, Chip lost out with Beth as he didn’t pull back in time.
Now let’s see the no contact rule used the right way…
William recognized that his girlfriend Mandy was having difficulties, between work, home and their relationship. He assumed she was overrun. Hesensed her distance and knew it was the right time to pull away.
Mandy didn’t pick up on the sudden drop of contact immediately. There would have been a subconscious sense of relief, but due to her issues, she raced on with life. Naturally, William felt a tiny bit anxious, but he knew he had to stay the course and leave her to it. After three or four days, Mandy got itchy feet. “Where’s my boyfriend,” she thought. “I hope nothing’s wrong.”
Mandy couldn’t help herself. She finally broke and sent William a message to ask if him everything was ok. This was of course a massive relief for William, but he knew he had to keep a level head and respond in a measured way.
“Just been a little busy, Mandy. Everything’s great. How are you?”
Mandy felt a surge of relief. She smiled and responded with a playful message: “I hope you’re not too busy to see me?”
No Contact Is Not About Playing Games
Done the right way, the No Contact Rule is not about playing games, it’s about giving your girlfriend the space she needs and crave you. It’s about preventing a loss of attraction. It’s about redressing the imbalance of power. It’s about righting the wrongs of the past.
Avoiding your phone is the only hurdle you have to endure. Just wait for her to get in contact with you first. This is a positive and constructive way to recapture her interest for you and restore fading attraction.
Don’t be worried that this is some kind of punitive game. You are providing an opportunity for your girlfriend (or any woman for that matter) to think about you and reach out to you. William therefore played his cards correctly and won Mandy over. He reacted the right way at the right time.
If, in your situation, your girlfriend decides to call you out on game playing or defer her own guilt by having a go at you for being silent, stay calm and take whatever she says and respond with the fact that you were just busy but it’s great to hear from her.
No harm was meant. Just keep in mind that no apology is necessary here. You will be ruining the situation if you stoop to apologize. Attraction will be lost. Tension and anxiety are your best friends in this situation.
Go No Contact to Rebuild Attraction
Another effective use of the no contact rule is for you to secure the bond with your girlfriend on a more even footing by restoring attraction when you’ve made major mistakes (i.e., begged, pleaded, apologized, cried, screamed and chased too much).
Perhaps you have have been too needy and allowed your insecurities to get in the way of a good relationship. This can happen when your girlfriend brings up the subject of a new guy at work, for example. Her role might mean that she spends time with this new colleague and you’re starting to feel jealous.
If you allow jealousy to overwhelm you, you will show your hand and it won’t look pretty. Your insecurity is brought to life in the form of nagging questions about who this guy is and unreasonable demands about what time she is coming back from work.
All of this pressure will amount to your girlfriend thinking more about him than you. So, in this kind of situation, pull back a little and don’t initiate contact or pester her. Allow her to come to you. Within days, she will be thinking about you (her real relationship) as opposed to some man she just met at work.
So, remember, if you’re always the first to initiate contact, think again and hold back. Relax and know that by not contacting your girlfriend, you will be generating attraction and you’ll be giving her a reason to get in touch with you. This is why the no contact rule is so effective!
Going No Contact The Right Way
If a woman’s interest level is currently low and you sense her pulling away from you, going no contact is one of the most effective ways to restore interest.
If you’re always the first to initiate contact and reach out in relationships, there’s a good chance you’re killing attraction. You’re neither a mystery nor a challenge. Indeed, it’s only when a woman feels a degree of uncertainty and anxiety that she starts to focus on a man and think more about him.
Uncertainty Increases Attraction
Research conducted at the University of Virginia came to the conclusion that men are rated as much more attractive and desirable when there’s a degree of uncertainty and anxiety in the relationship.And while you might hold the position that it’s mean or rude to go no contact on a woman—that somehow you might hurt her feelings—you must focus on what works as opposed to what’s nice if you want to build attraction.
Going no contact is one of the best ways to get a woman focused on you and restore fading interest.
Nevertheless, when you go no contact on a woman, you must expect a degree of resistance. She might try to make you feel guilty for pulling away. She might berate you for ignoring her messages and threaten to cut you off. She might even play the innocent victim. In all these situations, you must never apologize for your behavior, for doing so would only ruin the seduction.
A simple shrug of the shoulders accompanied by an “I’ve been busy” attitude is all that’s required to diffuse the situation. And although this might sound Machiavellian, such is the nature of human attraction.
Women who cry foul and deride men for “playing games” are simply infuriated that men now have the ability to neutralize a woman’s long-held psychological advantage.
Don’t Be Passive Aggressive in No Contact
You must ensure, however, that you don’t go no contact in a passive-aggressive way. Going no contact means a woman must reach out to you first. It might take an hour, it might take a day, it might take a week, it might even take a month. Regardless how long it takes, you must wait for a woman to get in touch with you first before you send her any more messages.
When a woman reaches out to you, she’s letting you know that she misses you and she’s thinking about you. You must use this opportunity to establish rapport and ask her out on a date. It’s that simple.
Remember, seduction should be easy and never too complicated. The moment you feel a woman pull away from you, simply mirror her behavior and allow her space by going no contact. If you have the strength and confidence to give a woman space, she’ll come back to you every time.
If you need an urgent response to fix your situation, please don't hesitate to book an email or phone consultation with me and I'll get back to you ASAP.
Best,
Chris
PS. If you want to create INTENSE attraction with women, I highly recommend you get a copy of my book Atomic Attraction (Kindle/Paperback/Audio). Everything you need to know about creating, building, and maintaining attraction can be found within these pages.
PPS. If a girl's pulled away from you or left you, the Get Her Back (Action Plan) will give you an instant solution to your problem. This guide will show you the fastest and easiest way to get her back and keep her.
FAQs
What is the power of no contact rule? ›
The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.
Why is no contact the best way? ›Going No Contact “can help you properly acknowledge a loss and mourn it, and eventually create space for something new,” Wade adds. Think of the No Contact Rule as a way to truly experience and transform your grief, rather than distract and soothe by reaching out for post-breakup dopamine hits from your ex.
How successful is the no contact rule? ›The success rate of this rule is usually almost as high as 90% because the person who has broken up will inevitably contact you for one of two reasons. First, they may be missing you and feel guilty, and second, they miss having power over you and are curious to know how you are doing without them.
Why is silence powerful after breakup? ›There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.
What no contact does to a man? ›The male mind during no contact
The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.
- Write a letter to yourself. ...
- Give yourself room to grieve. ...
- Make a list of every terrible thing your partner ever did. ...
- Start a self-care list. ...
- Have a breakup buddy. ...
- Work on yourself. ...
- Start a new hobby. ...
- Give yourself some structure.
Use the no contact rule
Does no contact make him miss you? Yes! One of the best ways to use silence after a breakup is to cut off all means of communication. That includes going silent on social media after a breakup.
What Is The Hardest Day Of No Contact? Immediately after you start it. Limited no contact breaks. The day/s where you aren't hearing from them.
What no contact does to a woman? ›Going 'no-contact' with someone you spent a lot of time with and planned a future with can be painful. A woman experiencing the stages of no contact is likely to feel angry, sad, and lonely. While a woman is likely to feel sadness in the early stages of no contact, she will quickly get over her ex as time goes on.
Is 2 weeks no contact enough? ›For an amicable breakup: around 30 days. Roughly 4 weeks of time alone should be enough to get back into the normal rhythm of the single life. It might feel messy and strange at first, but after 30 days you may find yourself feeling much better.
How long is too much no contact? ›
While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different. Some people move on really fast after a breakup, while other people take a long time. If 30 days pass and you still aren't ready, it's totally okay to extend your period of no contact.
How long does it take for someone to miss you with no contact? ›In fact, based on our research you can expect the average ex to begin missing you anywhere between 2.5 to 5.2 months after a breakup assuming you put forth signals that you are “moving on from them.”
Can silence bring him back? ›The simple answer to the above questions is yes. When you walk away and make him miss you, it's typical for a man to come back to you. The power of silence after a breakup is highly effective in making your partner come back. To start with, going silent after a breakup is a sign of confidence and self-esteem.
Why is silence the best response? ›Silence has many other benefits, like it does not escalate the fight between two people. If one is speaking and the other remains silent, there will be no argument and the anger of the other person will soon cool down and the fight will also end.
Why is silence so healing? ›When you cultivate silence and solitude, your whole body will relax, which can lead to physical healing. “Relaxation is a primary mechanism for healing,” says Buttimer. “When you are under stress, your body's natural repair mechanisms are disabled.
Do men respond to silence? ›Men respond to silence and distance emotionally.
When they don't hear from you for a while, their male instinct pushes them to find you and know how you feel. They want to see if you are fine, if you miss them or whether you value their existence. Strangely enough, it doesn't matter if you like him to not.
So, a few weeks to two months is the answer to the question, “How long does it take for a guy to miss you?” Typically, men realize what they lost when they can't find a woman with their personality. By then, they learn not all women are the same, and they shouldn't have broken off the relationship.
Does no contact make someone want you? ›While everyone's ex is different, the No Contact Rule does increase the likelihood of your ex missing you and wanting to come back. In essence, it will show them that you are not available for them whenever they want you and that you have your own life to live.
How do you master no contact? ›Ignore any messages that your ex sends.
The whole point of the no contact rule is to have absolutely zero contact with your ex, even if they initiate it. If your ex reaches out via phone, text, or email, just leave them on read.
Can lost feelings come back during the no contact period? Yes, they can. However, you have to make sure that you don't stretch the no-contact phase or that the love may be lost.
Why is walking away powerful? ›
One of the biggest reasons why walking away is powerful is because it builds respect, creates standards and boundaries, and increases your value. You will love taking control of your future, whether that means winning back a changed ex or moving on to bigger and better things.
Can someone come back after no contact? ›Basically, the no contact rule states that if you temporarily stop talking to your ex after a breakup, there's a chance they'll miss you and want you back in their life. It can also give you space from your ex to heal, so there's really no harm in trying!
Is no contact the best revenge? ›Silence speaks volumes
The best revenge is no reaction. Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in.
If the messages they're sending you change from sweet to angry, you'll know that the no contact rule is really working. When they still can't get ahold of you, they'll probably realize that you're not going to come around, and they'll get sad about what they've lost.
What is he thinking after 2 weeks of no contact? ›What is he thinking after 2 weeks of no contact? He starts to sense that maybe you might be gone forever. The No Rule Contact will help you see if the strings are attached in your relationship. If he doesn't hear anything from you, no calls or texts in two weeks' time he will start to worry.
What is the psychology of no contact on female dumpee? ›The psychology of no contact on dumper is a coping mechanism to help you think hard about what went wrong and how you could be a better person and a potentially better partner to the next person who will come along. Instead of thinking about your ex, you have to focus on self-improvement and healing.
Is he thinking about me during no contact? ›He'll start to get curious about you.
When he can't find out what you're up to, he'll start making his own stories—maybe that you're seeing someone, or you've given up on him. The less he knows about you during this time, the more he'll think about you during “no contact.”
Often, no contact is the best way to help an emotionally unavailable man or woman feel more in touch with their own emotions and feelings. During this alone time, you can get the help you need from therapists, psychologists or by talking to your close friends and family.
How long before you contact your ex? ›How Long Before You Should Talk To Your Ex After A Breakup? You may want to wait at least 30 days before you speak to your ex after a breakup. You might wait longer if you were together for a few years or more and broke up. Often, a few months to a year can be a suitable amount of time to wait for many individuals.
Does no contact work on stubborn man? ›You already know what goes through a guy's mind during the no-contact phase. But, stubborn men do not give in to their no-contact rule male psychology traits easily. Their stubborn nature prevents them from doing so. Even if he misses you, he will not admit it.
Should I contact him after 3 weeks of no contact? ›
How long is the no contact rule? Well, no contact usually lasts for a minimum of 30 consecutive days, but plenty of experts say more like 60 days is better. And some people choose to go as long as 6 months to really make sure they've moved on before letting their ex back in their life.
Who should break no contact first? ›Let your ex be the first one to break the no contact rule, especially if you're following it to try and get them back. It's easy to fall into a pattern of worrying about what other people think, but if reaching out to your ex and breaking the no contact rule is what's best for you, do it.
What to do when dumper reaches out? ›- Think about how it will affect you. ...
- If you're currently dating someone, you should consider their feelings. ...
- Take your time responding. ...
- Keep your response light. ...
- Don't rush into a response, friendship, or rebound. ...
- Be open and honest with them.
If the relationship was good and the breakup response was decent by no contact being implemented soon enough, the odds are about 70%. So the best-case scenario of the No Contact Rule is a 70% success rate in getting an ex back.
Why silence is powerful with a man? ›Silence can be a very powerful way to “be” with another person, especially when they are troubled. It can communicate acceptance of the other person as they are as of a given moment, and particularly when they have strong feelings like sorrow, fear or anger.
How to make a man miss you? ›- Deliberately leave things behind. ...
- Give him some personal space. ...
- Make him wait before replying his texts. ...
- Take things slow. ...
- Wear a unique perfume. ...
- Add some mystery to your experiences together. ...
- Have adventures with him (and your friends)
“There are likely several reasons for this,” she says. “Men are not reinforced or socialized for emotional communication the same way as women, relationships may often have a different functionality for men, and men at a certain younger age may not feel the same pressure about family planning and marriage.”
Why saying nothing is more powerful? ›Silence can yield more power than words. Inventor and artist Leonardo da Vinci said, “Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.” Leaders know how to use silence as a tactic for speaking up for themselves and as an opportunity to lead.
What is the power of silence in love? ›Positive silence is necessary for strong relationships to last. Healthy silence can show a level of vulnerability and comfort within a relationship. At other times, one or both individuals may need a break from verbal communication, just being content in each other's space.
Why is silence more powerful than words? ›Silence can indicate empathy.
Silence can be an indication of empathy. When we are really tuning in to how the other person is feeling about what they're saying, we're listening more to the tone of their voice, cadence and speed rather than the actual words, and so replying with words may not be the attuned response.
What is silence a powerful form of? ›
Many of those publications recognized silence as a powerful tool of communication; and that it is not peripheral to speech because any form of analysis that is applied to speech could also be applied to the analysis of silence.
What is the spiritual power of silence? ›“Being quiet is, in some way, equivalent to keeping your mouth shut—not making your voice heard. But being silent is more about entering a sacred place within yourself,” she says. “When you're silent, an inner sanctuary opens up and your mind calms down and is freed from the endless cycle of thinking.
What does silence do to the brain? ›“Silence and periods of calm stimulate brain growth and relieve tension, which can result in a higher sense of well-being, as people can then feel more relaxed generally,” says Prunty. “When this occurs, sleep quality improves.”
What does no contact do to a woman? ›Simply put, the female mind during no-contact rule is more likely to struggle with negative feelings. Your ex will be a mess for a while. Crying, grieving, feeling anxious, and even entering a depressive phase. It can be overwhelming for her to come to terms with the idea of leaving behind a shared life with you.
What is the 3 month no contact rule? ›What the post-breakup 3-month rule basically means is that all parties previously linked must wait three months before dating again. The reason for this societal dictation is to give the people involved a breather, some lead time, maybe a little room for forgiveness.
Does no contact make a girl miss you? ›Just doing no contact should be enough to get her to miss you. After all, it increases your absence to about 90% and even a little bit of stimulus will make her start missing you. Everything you do during no contact should be aimed at increasing your absence in her life.
Will no contact make her move on? ›So rather than help your ex move on, no contact slows or potentially reverses that. Chasing and contacting your ex is what actually will cause them to move on – and they will be running. It won't be easy to stay in no contact.
How long after no contact should I give up? ›While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different. Some people move on really fast after a breakup, while other people take a long time. If 30 days pass and you still aren't ready, it's totally okay to extend your period of no contact.
How do you know if the no contact rule is working? ›If the messages they're sending you change from sweet to angry, you'll know that the no contact rule is really working. When they still can't get ahold of you, they'll probably realize that you're not going to come around, and they'll get sad about what they've lost.